Book Club Reflections: Living in the Gray

So I’m in this book club. We meet every 4-5 weeks or so and (usually) read a book in between. Inevitably I (and many others like me) often do not finish the book, but we meet anyway. There is no judgment of those who have not finished the book of choice as it is well understood that life so often gets in the way. Plus some of us (me) are just really bad at making time to read. 

Vintage old book (via stock.xchng)

But we meet every month not just to discuss the book, but to gather together and enjoy one another’s company. I think many book clubs operate like this – more focused on the togetherness than on the topic.

Last night we met and had our usual 30-45 minutes of actually talking about the book of the month. Then, for the remaining two hours we devolved, as we usually do, into discussing life (work, religion, politics, etc.) and our love of nerdy things (Doctor Who, The Avengers, Sherlock, etc.).

At some point we began discussing the polarization of the American people – how it seems opposing viewpoints are getting further and further away from one another, leaving any middle ground barren and destitute. We lamented how difficult it is these days to have truly worthwhile discussion without the fear of damaging relationships and making enemies.

Perhaps this is not an experience wholly unique to our time. Yet we all related to having those difficult discussions where we either felt attacked or judged for our views on a variety of topics. Of being categorized, labeled, and scorned because of an opinion.

The weird thing is, I know there are so many people out there who feel this way. Who are frustrated by the polarizing nature of our self-imposed societal and political constructs. And the people who try desperately to live in the middle, in the gray space, keep repeating over and over: “the world is not black and white.”

Colors Twirl (via stock.xchng)

I mean, let’s face it, we are all products of our environments and experiences. Any good developmentalist will tell you that. Those varied experiences bring color and light to our lives. Shades and hues that are unique and embedded in the very fabric of our beings. It is what we make of those environments and experiences that shape how we will respond in the future. Those differences make our world interesting, and make our lives unique.

Our world is full of varied colors and shades. Even in black and white photos there are shades of grey. How boring and dull would our lives be if there were only two colors, only two sounds, only two tastes? So why does society insist that we live our lives in a state of black and white opinions?

We are constantly categorized, chastised, and curtailed by the very institutions that we’ve created, and told to embrace only the black or only the white. No gray space allowed.

And fighting this barrage is exhausting. You’re bound to get bruised and battered if you choose to fight. So instead of trying, we disengage, sitting silently by while the world becomes increasingly divided.

But it is through championing those unique experiences, opening the dialogue, encouraging ranges of diverse perspectives, that change can really take root.

Thankfully, there are still places where these kinds of discourses and discussions can live. There are environments where people can come together and have meaningful dialogue. Safe spaces where the goal is not busting down the door to change people’s minds, but just opening the door a crack to let a different shade of color and light come in.

Unfortunately, this type of dialogue is all reliant on openness and safety. Two commodities that seem exceedingly hard to come by these days.

But despite this, today, on a beautifully calm, cool, and serene Friday, I am grateful. Grateful for a group of individuals who allow me to be myself and have my opinions that are different from theirs. Who do not judge me for the experiences that have shaped me. Who are open to having dialogue that might be hard, but will certainly stretch and change us for the better. Because those discussions shape us, no matter how minutely, and perhaps open doors once barred shut to let the tiniest bit of light peek through the crack. A different perspective. A fresh look at the world. The possibility of something new and unique.

This book club group gives me hope that maybe there are others like us, who gather to discuss difficult issues openly, wholly, completely and without agenda. Because it’s groups like these, where open discourse abounds, yet friendship and respect remains, that have the power to change everything.